Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Well today was finally Zumba day and I arrived at the club like someone who was facing their own execution and not going 'for a dance' as described by 'I'. Now that I was captured in her car she told me that I would probably 'sweat like a pig'. Slight understatement. My face was so red that it would have been a blessing if someone had handed me a paper bag with two holes cut in the front.  Note to self : when attending Zumba in future, it would be helpful to go with someone who is not a qualified dance teacher, as they make you appear even more pants than you actually are. While 'I' shimmied and gyrated to the Latin beat I looked like someone on drugs who had lost complete body control and might at any moment collapse.  I didn't even have the comfort of the back row as the whole place was covered in mirrors and there was no escape from the sight of me making a complete backside of myself.   Finally decided to throw caution to the wind and gave it my all. No doubt videos will appear on 'YouTube' tonight titled 'Mad Zumba Eejit'.  Having thought about this maybe it would be a good idea to run Zumba in the changing rooms of shops. Then you could shut the curtains and make as big an ass of yourself as possible and in the privacy of a cubicle.

This isn't a Zumba class, this is an M&S Zumba class......

Anyway it couldn't have been too bad as after Zumba we headed off on a pilgrimage to that wonderful shopping institution - or tatfest, depending on how snooty you are  - Primark. Now I never, ever turn down the chance to go and when I asked if I fancied a jaunt I couldn't resist.  However, I was tempted to ask if we could go via Argos for a wheelchair as after 45 minutes of torture I wasn't sure if my legs would stand up to hardcore shopping. Got to Dunfermline and had to shoehorn my stiffened body out of the car.  Hurpled off down the street like John Wayne with piles.....

Left plenty of time to drive back home -or so we thought- until we reached the Forth Road bridge to massive traffic jams.  'I' was going daft as school closing time was drawing scarily near and we had very little time to spare. Finally got moving again and broke every speed limit in the book on the way home, I am sure we took the last corner into village on two wheels. Never a dull moment.....

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