Monday, 30 May 2011

Dropped H at school this morning and saw L off on the bus to her three day trip. S is on holiday so we took off to Glasgow for the Ideal Home Show. We wont be rushing back there in a hurry but hilarious fodder for a blog. After being stung for thirty quid for tickets we wandered aimlessly round the SECC.  I endured a forty five minute long cookery demonstration by John Burton Race and took off when S said he wanted to watch Jean Christophe Novelli  cook as well. Wandered round the Ideal Women section of the event. What a nightmare- within seconds I narrowly avoided being accosted by a hard faced oompah loompah asking me if I wanted a spray tan. Then it was glitter tattoos and teeth whitening. I couldn't believe it- victims were sitting in chairs with their sunglasses on and their mouths braced open in Wallace and Grommit style grins, as light was shone onto their teeth while all and sundry gawked from inches away. And don't get me started on the feet eating fish. If ever there was a vile, disgusting , unhygienic pastime, it is sitting with your feet in a tank, in view of the general public, letting fish chomp the hard skin off them. Boak.

Best part of the day had to be the fashion show. Now, there is nothing funnier than situations that are hilarious but are being taken completely seriously, as was the case of the so called 'Fashion show'.  I sat down to watch (mainly because I was sick of having to avoid folk trying to sell me stuff I didn't need, let alone want). The music started and some 'models' walked on stage wearing the contents of our school rag bag collection bin. I hauled my face straight. Half time and they brought out the 'designer' who talked about the next 'collection'. In his words 'imagine Bladerunner from laundry bags. Future clothing.' If that's the future shoot me now. There is no way I am strutting along the Main Street in a cut up laundry bag with clear plastic hooded thingy over it. S came back and we inspected the home of the future, which it would appear,  is going to be completely furnished with massage chairs and over sized tellys. Wall-E wasn't so far off the mark after all.

Highlight of the day - Greg Wallace, the baldy, dessert loving judge from Masterchef, saying hiya to my baldy, dessert loving husband in the mens loos!!!