Wednesday, 30 November 2011

The Sorry Tale of the Penguin Biscuit....

It's that wonderful time of the year...or so the adverts keep telling us. Yep, the school parties and pantos will soon be upon us again. The...school...party.......if you read an earlier post you will be aware that the one I witnessed last year was a ruddy miserable affair with baldy fairy cakes and an overload of tangerines. Our nutcase Council are paranoid about healthy eating to the point that the are no longer to be respected more snickered at for rules which flaunt basic, common sense.  I bet the person who makes them is sitting at their desk, weighing about twenty stone, and stuffing their chops with a bumper sized box of Celebrations.  It got me thinking about the parties I used to go to at school with egg sandwiches and ice cream.  I hate egg sandwiches but in retrospect they seemed preferable to the stuff on last years plates. It reminded me of a time I was sent to the Sunday School party,  held for some reason, at the local masonic hall.  As usual the paper plates were handed out containing amongst other things, sandwiches and Penguin biscuits. That was the day I discovered I didn't like Penguins. I took a bite and put it back on the plate, but couldn't just leave it there. Being the paranoid child I was, I thought I would get a row for wasting food,  so decided to go to the toilet and flush it down the lavvy. WHY DO WE DO THESE STUPID THINGS AS KIDS?  I remember flushing and it not going. There it was, a biscuit shaped turd-a-like twirling in the bowl.  I flushed for all I was worth but still the ruddy thing wouldn't navigate the U-bend. At that point I wished I had just eaten it in the first place and been done with it. I sneaked back to the party and spent the rest of it sweating. I had visions of some old maid Sunday school teacher coming back from the loos, horn rimmed specs askew, with a look of revulsion on her face, demanding that the culprit own up to their sin....


 And for anyone who has forgotten about what a real school party was like, here's a genuine photo of one of mine taken prior to the days of prohibition. (Complete with egg sannies and ice cream).  As you can see we were all enjoying ourselves so much the local press had to come and get a photo......obviously our taste in food was sublime, our taste in clothing....not so much..... Apologies for the newspaper cutting, it's virtually an antique.